Pressure Cooker Strategy

For me, grief is akin to a pressure cooker on a hot stove, except pressure cookers have a safety relief valve that relieves excess steam pressure when over a hot flame. You and I are not equipped with a safety relief valve. We must maintain the pressure that grief brings to our lives, or we blow steam uncontrollably and our problems can become worse:

• Quitting a job without a plan to find another job.
• Unnecessary altercations with people or fits of rage.
• Saying something to the boss or a customer that should not have been said.
• Excessive consumption of drugs or alcohol.
• Irrational selling or gifting of something valuable.

A mild-mannered survivor once told me a story about how 10 years after losing his son, he “lost-it” in a road rage incident. He pulled a man out of his car and began beating on him. In one unanticipated moment, he released 10 years of anguish and then went to jail, a place he had never been before. The man had a perfect driving record until that day.

About 3 years after losing two of three children, I publicly flogged a stranger via social media. I disagreed with her opinion about a school district political campaign. One year later, I met her face-to-face when I joined a motorcycle club. It was obvious that she knew who I was, I apologized to her soon thereafter. Political campaigns are not my passion, but I used the occasion to blow pent-up steam and I hurt somebody in the process.

Imagine an emotional control valve that could be used to control our internal pressure cooker. If we open the control valve a little bit every day, steam pressure is consistently controlled. Here’s my formula for steam release:

1. Less time between the last steam blow-off and the next steam blow-off, equals less grief, less strife, and stronger relationships.
2. More time between the last steam blow-off and next steam blow-off equals more grief, more strife, and weaker relationships.

There are many forms of emotional control valves that I regularly employ. I employ them in my daily routine. You can too. Learn more behind the big green button.